The Apprentice Week Ten – When tour guiding goes nasty.
The pre task tension
After the effort Stella showed picking up the phone last week, she was given a week off such duties which meant Jamie leapt down the stairs like a constipated grandpa hoping to reach the toilet in time. He succeeded and half an hour later the house was off for a daytrip to a London bus depot. Not before a cheeky shot of Chris in the bathroom – they just can’t resist these cameramen can they.
Stuart couldn’t think what Sir Lord Master of the World Sugar had ready for them but said he felt like he was “walking into a room of knives” – incidentally, a fate many would happily see befall the young man. Not me though. I bloody love the Baggs brand.
Such is the power of Baggs that he had to switch sides to make it fairer on the girls – so Joanna went the other way, meaning Baggs was involved in his first ever threesome, surely one of the few things he hadn’t yet done by the age of 21. Although given he’s going to make trillions he’ll be able to pay for it in the future.
The teams had to run a London bus company and offer a walking tour. Team Baggs went with a ‘cockney’ theme hoping to make loads of ‘bees and honey’ whilst Team Joanna (don’t know her surname, because she isn’t a brand, like the boy Baggs) went with a ghouls and ghosts theme.
During the research exercise Liz managed to offend a cockney by asking him to act like a cockney whilst Baggs the brand decided that their tour was going to be so bloody good they could charge hundreds for it because he knew the Lord would be happy they charged so much moolah to the ignorant tourists.
Jamie meanwhile was being hacked off by Joanna faster than the Mastercard website. It got so bad at one point that Jamie stamped his feet as Nick looked on bewildered and Joanna remarked that she’d never been so scared in her entire life. Bit of a pussycat for someone organising a tour to scare people though.
Chris decided to offer a tour company 20% of everything he’d ever owned in his life in return for sending five people on his tour where as Baggs the brand offered them a pint and a signed photograph in return for 100 ticket sales. They chose Chris.
Before we knew it, they had all sloped off to Mr Benn’s shop and team Braggs choose the Virgin Atlantic outfit whilst Team Joanna went for the prison officer look.
The teams set off to find tourists who were so excited to be approached by people other than Big Issue sellers that they said they’d come on their bloody tours. Baggs probably gave them some autographs but we didn’t get to see it.
Jamie turned out to be good at telling lies and there’s now a bunch of people in the world who think the River Thames isn’t the biggest river in London. Poor bloke probably thought the line of urine he’d noticed earlier walking around East London was some sort of river.
In the bid to find customers Baggs was getting desperate and even squared up to Chris in the middle of Trafalger Square telling his rival to hit him. Chris, presumably realised all the cameras were on him and knew he’d never get away with a clean right hook so instead chose to swear at Baggs telling him what a child he is.
Of course Baggs had a dig back when Chris was out of earshot, telling the cameraman there’s nothing big or brave about swearing. What a wonderful, ethical, wise man Baggs is. It’s disgraceful to think that some people would call him a f***ing idiot.
Once the non-fisticuffs were settled we got to see the master smooth operator Jamie at work, who was busy telling a group of children gory details about murders around the city of London. To be fair he did quite well, but really he should have just taken them to Brixton and shown them a real murder, people were paying good money after all.
Chris meanwhile was so shaken after the stand off with Baggs that he couldn’t sell any more tickets which looked like it may cost them dearly especially with late sales for team Baggs and some appalling singing from Stella atop their London bus.
It turned out that despite Chris offering 20% of everything he owned, team Joanna still won the task and team Baggs had lost despite his genius tactic of charging a fortune and spending time debating who owned the pavement.
Lord Sugar sent the winners off to Jersey, where Joanna would state she could only dream of such activities. Dreaming of going to Jersey? Bloody hell, imagine if she was allowed to visit the Isle of Man, home to the Baggs meister.
Time for someone to go
After the traditional visit to the café where nobody says anything, Liz, Stella and Baggs returned to the boardroom. Baggs was never going to go without a fight and promised Lord Sugar he could provide “a field of ponies” running at Lord Sugar. Before it could turn into bestiality, Sugar stopped Baggs and told him he’d cringe if he watched the footage back. Baggs won’t have time you nutter Sugar, he’ll be too busy making you trillions of pounds.
Stella defended herself by saying she’d shown she wasn’t wooden because she’d managed to succeed in getting lost with some tourists around London. Liz said she was good with numbers because she’d also been there when deciding to charge £35 to go on a tour of some East London building sites.
The wily old Nick told Sugar he should get rid of two of them, but nobody tells him what to do. Nobody except Baggs.
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