The Apprentice Week 11 – The Lord swears you’re no good
Most weeks we see a candidate leaping down the stairs half dressed to answer the phone, but this week Jamie strolled along to listen to the recorded message having made himself a coffee. What the bloody hell was this? Did you set an alarm you cheeky bugger?
The obligatory getting up shot was this week reserved for Stuart. Stella asked him if he was decent. Too bloody quick Stella, we’d find out what a naughty not decent man the Baggs meister is later on.
The candidates knew it was going to be interview week so Stella told the cameras she’s never not got a job she’s had an interview for, which is all the more remarkable given she left school at the age of 5 and was brought up by wolves in the biggest zoo in Europe. Or something like that – I drifted off.
Jamie meanwhile had a little revelation and suggested there were going to be hard questions. Anyone would think he’d seen this show in the previous five years.
Joanna looked scared but was determined that that this was her chance to not just be ‘a cleaner from Leicester’ – oh no ladies and gentlemen pretty soon she would be THE cleaner from Leicester.
Sugar daddy had to stand on a flight of stairs above them so he didn’t feel too small whilst telling them about their upcoming interviews.
Sweetheart Sugar had recruited Claude (troubleshooter), Alan (laywer), Borden (Viglen CEO) and Margaret (former Apprentice guru) to grill the final five. No place for Martin Kemsley this year then – probably a bad example to have someone whose company went into administration last summer on a business show when you think about it.
Things kicked off with Margaret. She failed to laugh when Jamie discussed having a third nipple with her, berated Chris about being ‘revered’ as an academic for doing well in his Year 6 SATS, told Jamie he blamed everybody else and told long lost friend Stuart she had a dog. Stuart promptly promised to play hide and seek with it all over the world whilst making billions for Sugar daddy without sleeping.
Whilst Baggs mesiter was dreaming of lost dogs, Joanna told Borden that Vigerleean (her take on Viglen) did something with ‘computers and shit’ and that Sugar has got bare other companies… sadly she didn’t know any of them as the country sat pressing their volume controls as Joanna said nothing for 10 seconds.
Angry Alan (not the Lord) told Stella she was only good at making coffee but Stella refuted this saying she could aim higher and could do hot chocolate and everything if only she’d be given the chance to move onto pastures new
The rather sullen Claude told Stella that she was past it, told Joanna she needed to be more of a giver and told Baggs the brand that he wasn’t actually a brand and that he wasn’t even a fish. Bit of a dig about the Isle of Man I think, but I didn’t get it to be quite honest.
Corporate Stella had awoken Stuart asking if he was decent, but Alan revealed that the brand had once lied to the media telling them a rival was going under. The ageing 21 year old Baggs meister admitted we all make mistakes when we’re younger.
The biggest slap on the bum was given to the Baggs brand by Borden. Turns out the brand told a bit of a lie about his company in the Isle of Man. Like most of the country, my love and devotion for the man immediately took a massive hit – nobody likes a liar Baggs – just look what happened to Lee in series 5 when he lied. Oh, wait, he got a job.
The Baggs meister is obviously too clever – he is so bloody good and perfect that he lied to get the sympathy vote from Sugar daddy and get the job! A sure fire plan!
Sugar daddy wanted some last minute pleading from the gang and started berating Chris for not completing a law degree (Constitutional Law is bloody dull to be fair) whilst Stella told Uncle Sugar she could take instruction – just after the producer gave her the go ahead to do so.
Joanna, looking like she was about to be fatally injected, said she should have done more cleaning in Leicester whilst Jamie said he didn’t make excuses by blaming people. He did however blame his partner for any blame references he may have resorted to during the interview.
Lord Sugar then threw a spanner in the works by using a put down not even the most dreamy of script writers would have come up with, telling Baggs he was “full of shit.” What a way to go Baggsta – making a Lord swear for the first time since the bible. Good man.
A sobbing Joanna soon followed but was told to keep her head up high whilst Jamie was told he’d come to the end of the road with no instructions as to how high or otherwise to place his head.
Chris and Stella have made it through to the final. Two of the finest coffee makers in the land will battle it out for a £100k job on Sunday. Nice work if you can get it!
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