Dating – fine. Writing about it – not fine.

Josh Landy - but you probably already knew that.

I can’t deny that when I started blogging two months ago, I faced what all bloggers must face when starting out – a bit of embarrassment.

‘Why would anyone want to read my stuff?’ ‘Why would anyone care what I think?’ ‘Why, just why?’ were all firmly on my mind as I finally put a link to my first blog on my facebook page.

It’s not that I don’t think I’ve got something interesting to say, of course I do, we all like to think we do, but whether or not it’s remotely interesting or not, is for everyone else to decide. My general view is that the people who you are friendly with and make an effort to keep in touch with you – they’re the ones who think you are. That, or they are family.

There is however a slight fear that people will find what you say boring. The fear that they’ll read your first few lines and run for the online exit. It’s a bit like poking someone on facebook and not getting a response – you never know why not. Apparently.

Over the last two months I’ve bumped into people I rarely see who tell me they’ve looked at my blog which is of course a nice feeling and this week it celebrated 1000 hits, so thank you to all of those who have come this far – your perseverance in the name of entertainment or friendship is appreciated.

It has made me conclude though, that there are definitely topics that I could never blog about.

I was out with a female friend for dinner recently and she asked me what I was going to blog about next. I told her that if something occurs to me during the day, I’ll often just write it when I next get a chance – it’s not something I really plan ahead.

Imagine going on a date but fearing what you're doing or saying is going to be written up when they get home. Probably not as fun.

She told me of a friend of hers who had started writing a blog about her love life and dating experiences. I couldn’t help but get home and check it out – I was mortified. So mortified I refuse to put a link to it here – I don’t want her thinking people are interested in reading her self indulgent drivel.

So, I discovered a new pet hate. People blogging about their love lives, approaches to their love lives or anything to do with dating and what ‘men’ or ‘women’ are like.

What possesses people to talk about their dating experiences keeps me guessing because surely anyone you want to know about what is going on in your love life would get the low down from you if you wanted them to. I can’t think of anything more self indulgent to blog about.

On that note, before anyone suggests for example, that my posts about Arsenal could be seen as self indulgent or that I was writing as if I had a right to speak on behalf of all Arsenal fans – I think it’s far more acceptable to write about a passion rather than writing on behalf of a gender.

I couldn’t imagine coming home from a date late one night and being so excited to open up my laptop to start typing about how my night went.

In some instances obviously it would be beneficial – instead of having to speak to your mate when he rings the next day to ask how it was, you could just direct him to your blog. There you could provide the blow by blow account, of who paid for what, who wore what, who laughed loudest, who made more awkward silences less awkward and most of all… if you’ll be seeing them again.

Given the technology these days, I could probably record a few minutes of our conversation discretely on my iPhone and drop that into my blog or take a picture of her and record a video of me kissing her goodbye.

Stamford Hill - not a major hang out for Page 3 girls.

But who wants to see that? Who wants to read about my date? I hope 99.999% of the world couldn’t care less. If my date turned out to be a former page three model who was on her way to becoming integrated in the Chassidic Jewish community, well sure I’d expect a bit more interest, but really, I don’t want to think the world cares.

But the biggest offenders are the bloggers who claim to speak for their gender. I genuinely fear for these people.

For if I wanted to join this annoying group, I’d exaggerate my experiences and pretend they reflected those of the entire male race. I’d probably blog that no girl in the history of hetrosexual dating has ever even offered to pay half on the first date and nor should she, because then she wouldn’t make ME feel like a 1920s male taking Dorothy from no.42 to the bloody disco.

I’d probably then tell you that I had decided not to text or call her for the next 94 and a half hours because my mate Cameron said that’s what he and all his ‘city boys’ do and he’s never been wrong about ANYTHING in his life – he even told me Arsenal would lose 3-2 to Spurs the other day when they were 2-0 up at half time.

If I had a lot of spare time that day I’d probably write a little bit more, because to be honest I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing a blog that didn’t remind you that I have been on LOADS and I mean LOADS of dates, but the reason none of them have been working out is because the girl hasn’t been quite good enough. Tragic.

Or maybe I’d just never write about dating, love or relationships in the public domain, because it’s far too self-indulgent and attracts a very limited audience who care.

There’s a reason it’s known as a ‘personal life’. Celebrities don’t get the pleasure, but the rest of us do, so make the most of it.

Right, on that note, I’m single – so who wants a drink*?

*Disclaimer: Unless you’re a page three model and shortly moving to Stamford Hill my reflections on our evening won’t be ending up on here. To be honest, if you do match such criteria, I’d happily meet you anyway.

Advertisements
Comments
210 Responses to “Dating – fine. Writing about it – not fine.”
  1. I hope it doesn’t offend you if I said I wouldn’t care about your date. This is because I like to think some things can remain private, and respectable. But don’t doubt you have a lot of interesting things to write about! So either way, keep up the good work – you were freshly pressed for a reason! 🙂

    • Those who blog about their love lives don’t think about what it would feel like if others blogged about THEM.

      • Biscuit says:

        Oh I beg to differ. I constantly wonder what it would be like. Actually, that kind of feedback (usually obtained surreptitiously through mutual friends) would be incredibly useful in limiting how much of a spaz I might appear on other dates.

        For example:
        – Don’t talk about how much you wish you had laser eyes.
        – “What’s your best robot” is not a suitable question for a girl.
        – She is not interested in your current mission progress in Borderlands.

    • cbcburke9 says:

      Why would I want to write about my dates anyhow, when it should only be between two people.

  2. Uh-oh: What about a person who blogs about life, post-divorce? Does it help that my ex is suing me to try to shut me up? Am I forgiven on that account?

    😉

    Here’s the thing: People are allowed to discuss whatever they like, it’s just whether others will read that is the question. With any luck, said friend’s self-indulgent drivel only appeals to those around her. Your blog could appeal to many more because of its more universal approach!

    So here’s to your success…and I’m hoping for a little of my own as well.

    • joshlandy says:

      Well hopefully nobody is upset enough to sue me about anything I’ve written…

      I agree in principle, people should be allowed to discuss whatever they like – I’m up for reading most things that are well written and engaging.

      However, there’s a huge difference between a blog which relays a funny incident, a rare happening or a unlikely outcome and a blog which claims to speak on behalf a gender with no substance other than the ego of the person writing it and that’s my main pet hate that I was trying to get across. Girls that spend their time relaying tales of ‘Jamie’ who had a cute smile… yawn etc.

      Clearly a lot of people like blogging about their personal lives in all sorts of detail that I couldn’t possibly imagine wanting to be in the public domain – I guess I’ll need to carry on avoiding it?

      Good luck!

  3. real-life-fantasy says:

    Sorry – I’m not single i’m afraid 🙂 I completely agree with your sentiment that you should not blog about you personal/love life unless you have some truly valuable insight to share or you are doing it anonymously (even that is pushing it). However, I do think the appeal is universal. People are nosey by nature and love to hear of others emabarrassing misfortune – or is that just me?

    You can be too easily found in cyberspace now and the last thing you want is your jilted loved one reading about themselves over the internet!

    • mia1984 says:

      I totally agree with you about the sharing ” truly valuable insight to share or you are doing it anonymously”. I think that when you intend to get into detail you should do it anonymously (not only hide the people your talking about’s identity, but also your own–because it’s just SO AWKWARD when people know so much about your personal life). Maybe sharing the anonymous blog link with your closest friends wouldn’t hurt. But if you’re blogging about insights and general stuff that irritate you or bother you or concern you (in general, but during a specific date) then it’s okay to do it in a non-anonymous blog. Like I wrote about people who tend to develop stalking tendencies and etiquette. I just HAD to share that with people because I wanted people think about it.

  4. mkmd says:

    Isn’t all blogging a bit self-indulgent? 🙂 I love when people blog about dating and relationships…when they do it well. Nice post, I happened to see it on the WordPress homepage!

    • Same here- I like a good relationship blog read. Maybe blogging anonymously dispels whatever fears of making real dating experiences public.
      Well done!
      Not moving to Stamord Hill anytime soon either. 🙂

    • S. August says:

      Agree… all blogging is a bit self-indulgent. HAHA!

    • joshlandy says:

      Maybe you’re right mkmd – maybe it is all a little self indulgent, but there’s something about pretending to speak on behalf of your gender, or more loosely, on behalf of any group of people who you don’t genuinely represent that really aggravates me.

      Thanks though for checking out the post – been a bizarre day being posted on the homepage, my site stats have gone through the roof.

      If you’re on twitter send me a link next time you’re blogging – http://twitter.com/Josh_Landy

      All the best,

      Josh

      • Rose says:

        I have to say I’m with you 100% on speaking as though you represent any group, ever, as if there is no room for dissent or varying perspectives. I also think we tend to be most guilty of this with gender, like we think there are only two ways to be. Thanks for your take on this!

      • godskyseyes says:

        Josh why did wordpress post you on the homepage. What happened other than you posting your blog ?

    • Bakbakee says:

      True that! I think its a free country. You can choose not to read you know.
      Btw, I like this post. No jargon here. 🙂

      • joshlandy says:

        Thank you bakbakee – I’m not one for jargon. And cheers Rose – we wholeheartedly agree, the idea of blogging on behalf of a large group who you can’t possibly claim to represent… not for me. It’s all your opinion. End of.

        godskyseyes – read the next blog I’ve written about how you end up on freshly pressed.

        Will certainly be blogging more in the same style over the next week so please feel free to subscribe or come back soon. I’m on twitter if you want to follow me there – http://twitter.com/#!/Josh_Landy.

        Best,

        Josh

  5. sarah says:

    Ouch!! I’m THAT girl who blogs about her dating life. It’s funny! No? I mean, during the course of the night if things are going awful, I get sort of excited and think, “Hey, at least I have some good blog material for tomorrow…” So let’s get a drink…

    Love your posts! Good job!

    SJP

  6. Incognito says:

    🙂

    What a refreshing post to read on a cold snowy Tuesday!

    Incognito

  7. You are a wise man! 😉

  8. hojo73 says:

    I agree. There are some things we could certainly do without. On the other hand, a lot of it is funny and who doesn’t want a good laugh? Personally, I like to blog about things I couldn’t possibly talk about in person. I thought that’s what the Internet and its anonymity was for! I enjoyed your post – keep it up!

  9. godskyseyes says:

    You cant be serious. People love reading about sex and romance almost as much as they love doing it, infact instead of doing it. I’ve erected my intimate blog ramblings for all to see in second life – virtual reality. Several observers have lingered since its uncovering, orgasming at the side of me as we read. We crave, no beg and drool for human intimacy, franticly trying to heal the loneliness wound, forcing experience into every orifice just to feel. Of course romantic bloggings are fascinating.

  10. florencedaveyattlee says:

    Does anyone want to give Josh a date worth writing about?

    If so – let me know – I am his diary manager.

  11. I think you’re being a little harsh. Writing about one’s love life is no different than writing about any other aspect of one’s life. The whole point of blogging is that the writer is able to create a dialog with an audience that he/she would not otherwise have access to. Personal blogging isn’t solely about getting out a message – you are deluding yourself if you think that your writing is solely intended to enlighten the audience. Blogging is about the blogger. It’s about putting ideas out so that you can find out what other people actually think of your ideas.

    People want to talk about aspects of their lives so that they can garner feedback. The only difference between blogging about last night’s date and telling your best friend about it in person, is that you can get a lot more feedback and advice from your blog. Perhaps your best friend will be more interested in the details, but that doesn’t mean they are the only one willing to provide advice.

    For certain, some people won’t find the blog interesting – and won’t contribute a response. Obviously this goes for any blog – not just ones about a person’s love life. But that doesn’t invalidate the ideas that were expressed. It just shows that they mean more to the writer than to anyone else. A valuable lesson on it’s own.

    In any case, congrats on the Freshly Pressed.

  12. abookend says:

    I disagree with you about nobody caring about someone’s dating or love life. You may not be interested, but a lot of people are. I used to blog about my dating life, back when I was dating. Of course, it was anonymously, but I got more hits with that than anything else I’ve ever written. Because people love train wrecks. And I had a LOT of trainwrecks. I still find myself reading dating blogs. Pure entertainment.

    Oh, and when it comes down to it, ALL blogging is pretty self indulgent, whether it’s about your favorite sports team or not 🙂

    Congrats on making Fresh Pressed!

    • joshlandy says:

      Happy to be disagreed with abookend, that’s what debate is all about – like I’ve said in a previous reply, if we all agreed the world would be a boring place.

      I think there’s a difference that I perhaps don’t address in my blog which is totally anonymous writing about funny situations. I love reading funny incidents, but I cringe and despair when I read blogs which talk about dates in ridiculous detail or make generalised statements about how ‘men’ behave.

      Went on a date and the police arrested him half way through – fine, funny, blog away. Went on a date and we had pizza, and he got a bit of cheese on his trainers, which were white and dirty… etc – who cares?!

  13. psychodoodle says:

    i dont know about the blogging abt each and every date part, but ‘love, men, women, dating’ etc. are general topics that almost everyone’s got something to say about or get that impulse to blog about… 🙂

  14. Solomon II says:

    Works out pretty good for me. Chicks hate it though.

  15. Thank god I blog about Haiti and not about my love life as a lesbian living in Port-au-Prince!. Thanks for these reminders and congratulations on being freshly pressed!

    • joshlandy says:

      Cheers – appreciate your comment – very kind.

      Just had a quick check of your blog Kathryn, sounds like you’ve got a quite an interesting story going on there… Haiti – respect to your and your partner for the work with the NGO.

      Best,

      Josh – on twitter if you want to follow – http://twitter.com/Josh_Landy

  16. From an old cougar! I respect your sensibilities and have not lost hope for the younger generations just yet. You are a fine looking young man with a good head on your shoulders. If only I were twenty years younger and not already married… (wiping drool from chin- just kidding!) Of course your blog is all about what matters to you and what you’re comfortable with sharing or not sharing. In my vast experience of being an example of what NOT to do, I only share a little bit of that with others- what I think is funny and/or what I want to get off my chest. The really embarrassing stuff gets to stay private or at least anonymous- and NOBODY, not even me, wants to rehash all of my relational disasters over the years. In the long run, the older you get the more you will discover that the only one who really cares 100% about your opinion is you. I am perfectly cool with that. My opinions matter TO ME. What the rest of the world thinks is not nearly as important as what I think- as far as I’m concerned. I really enjoyed what you had to say, for what it’s worth. Share on, great post!

    • joshlandy says:

      Hello young lady,

      I’m delighted that you have not lost fear in the younger generations – we’re not all knife carrying scum, though the british media have a tendency to paint us youth in such a manner!

      Couldn’t agree more about divulging what is actually funny and keeping other things to yourself. I’m already aware that the only who will ever care 100% is me, but that’s fine, I’d think it’d be odd if it wasn’t like that. Look one day if I get married, maybe you expect it of that one person, but that’d be about it.

      Gonna have to keep an eye out for your blogs.

      Lots of love from a extremely cold and snowy London.

      Best,

      Josh

  17. firecracker3 says:

    “Oh, and when it comes down to it, ALL blogging is pretty self indulgent, whether it’s about your favorite sports team or not…” posted by: abookend

    Yes it is! Is that not why we are all here and how society seems to be trending more and more with each passing day?

  18. D.S.Hillman says:

    Some people are interested in people, to be honest I think it really depends what you can bring to it whether it is a valid subject or not. It’s funny how I wouldn’t mind personal stuff going into the public arena in my book but I wouldn’t feel right about writing about it on my blog. I think somehow it would be a betrayal of my date to use her as material to write about but in a book its so long past the event and so easy to change their name that it isn’t so offensive. In any case I would still find reading it far more interesting than football.

    • joshlandy says:

      To be honest I prefer people who hate football to people who pretend to have an interest, so no problem there!

      I’m not sure there’s much difference between book and blog IMO. If you’re a famous celebrity and you are writing an autiobiography then admittedly your relationships are perhaps a bit more interesting, especially as many people are intrigued by the celebrity world.

      What isn’t as interesting though is someone sitting on their computer, ten minutes after they’ve got home from a date, writing about how it went and how great / awful it was. This is further compounded when they start to speak on behalf of their gender as an awful lot do.

      Anyway, agree to disagree.

      Best,

      Josh

  19. zoesays says:

    Well you made it to Freshly Pressed without writing about dating, so you must be on to something. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed so early on in your blogging career! (Took me over two years and I am still reeling from the high.)

    Cheers!

    • joshlandy says:

      Hey Zoe,

      I made it onto freshly pressed, but I’m sure it was actually the ‘dating’ in the title that contributed to many of the hits, so maybe it shows people do you want to read all about it. (sigh).

      What was the article you were freshly pressed for?

      All the best. x

  20. Evie Garone says:

    I think you are wrong…I think dating blogging can be done with taste or humor. Maybe it’s not for you, but really who are we to decide what other people write about, it’s up to them and if people reader, NO? Anyway, I liked your blog, and Congrats on being on Freshly Pressed! Cheers!

    evelyngarone.com

  21. If you are a page 3 (or Page 6 as we have it in NY) model and are thinking of becoming Hasidic please contact me first so I can help you avoid making what will most certainly be the worst decision of your life. I came from the ultra orthodox religious Jewish world, and have since left it. I love all people but hate all religion.

    • Mia says:

      You cracked me up with this comment, kissmeimshomer. LOL…it’s past 4am and I needed the laugh. Honestly, I’m religioned-out too (and no, that’s not a real word). I’m in a quandry because I have what I consider to be a good relationship with God, key word being relationship. I’m just so sick and tired of (and bored out of my mind with) all the religious BS. God help me (and you too, if you want 🙂 Cheers, and please feel free to check me out at http://www.miasaysyes.wordpress.com

    • joshlandy says:

      Firstly, that is the most brilliant username.

      I’m not sure the Hassidic lifestyle would be for me either – plenty of the extended family seem to like it though. Sounds like you’ve got quite an interesting story?

      • Thanks! It wasn’t completely original but I love it as well. My family is super religious, but not Hasidic. I think more Golder’s Green or Gateshead type, but I’m not too familiar with England. Dad wears the Black hat and would be thrilled if I would study Torah all day for the rest of my life. I’ve since completely left religion, and did it correctly, unlike so many of my peers. I’d be happy to share my story! You can email me 1kissmeimshomer@gmail.com if you’d like.

      • oh and as far as the family liking it, of course they do- ignorance is bliss. And if they’re not ignorant they’re likely brainwashed.

  22. archiegrrl says:

    Obviously, all women love dating blogs, but since you’re a guy, you couln’t possibly like them because of your gender.

    *wink* *grin*

  23. Interesting take, Mr. Landy…

    And I do see your point. But I’d say that sometimes the most personal things, the deepest – yes, most self-indulgent – confessions, can help build connections. I find those stories quite engaging when I encounter them in other blogs, especially when they are approached with honesty, a level head, a lot of introspection, and a healthy dash of snarkiness. And when I write about my marriage, about my health, and other highly personal things, I find I analyze and come to terms with them in a different way.

    That being said, nice post, nice blog, big congrats!

    Cheers,
    Headstrong

  24. beshemoth says:

    Hee, I also saw this on freshly pressed; and I clicked on it because I thought it was going to be about dating. Perhaps, about having blogged about dating and ruined everything! But it wasn’t, so kudos to you, and bah humbug on the part of my schadenfreude.

    Nice one on avoiding the whole ‘speaking for my entire gender’ thing. It does seem a very popular read, but I kinda die a little inside when I see yet another list of instructions, either for their own gender, or the opposite gender, as if there’s nothing out there but two flavours of Borg. Ha, maybe it’s because nobody laying down the law ever seems to speak for me (“Bring icecream! Then bring more icecream!”)

    I guess it’s all about where you’re coming from – blogging a horrible date can be fun. Reading a hilarious account of a horrible date is awesome… Reading one and realising the person they’re complaining about is YOU? That would not be so awesome! My solution: I don’t date! Then all I can complain about is my colleagues and I am confident THAT will never bite me on the arse…

    • joshlandy says:

      I’m glad we agree on the ‘not speaking for your gender’ issue. You’re right, it’s even worse when there are instructions or lists about how to behave. Who do these people think they are!

      As I’ve said in some of these replies – there’s a massive difference between blogging about a hilarious one off dating event and relentlessly blogging about dating into the most insignificant of personal details.

      Not sure the answer is not to date though. I don’t think you need to avoid dating not to blog about it – I hope not anyway.

      Cheers,

      Josh

  25. Viki says:

    I must admit, I have no problem with people writing about their dates. Mostly what they write can be either humorous in the extreme – with a good writer – or revealing, mainly about their own small world and, as you put it, pretentions. But everyone, including you and I, blogs about what interests them the most – in my case sex and erotica – whether they gain a readership is another matter entirely.

    Don’t put people down for doing what they enjoy, it may well be the only means they have of airing their and clearing their daily frustrations, of coming to terms with who they really are, pretentious or otherwise.

    Viki.

    • joshlandy says:

      Viki,

      Thanks for the well articulated response.

      Firstly your blog… you are one of the least shy 18 year olds I have ever come across! However your work is very different to the sort of thing that I was complaining about. There’s writing fantasy stories as you do, for people to get excited over and there’s inane, dull, senseless crap about how all men behave.

      Your point about putting people down… well maybe that’s fair. However I’d read enough ‘drivel’ of such generic crap that I wanted to vent my frustration about it. Of course if people want to carry on doing it then fine, but I thought I’d put the argument out there and given this internet world we live in 8,000 people have now read it, so at least it got an audience, some have agreed, some haven’t – as with everything.

      Good luck for your blog… I don’t think we’ll be chasing the same audience!

      Best,

      Josh

      • Viki says:

        Josh,

        Yes, our niches are completely different when you take the whole but also have many similarities. Maybe my dates – which I do occasionally write about – are more defined than others because I don’t date as such, not in the way it was expected of me in my former life back in the States. And I agree with you that there is a lot of rubbish written about, well, everything uinder the sun. Some people do need this chance to vent their frustrations, though, and some people need to feel better by reading about what another has experienced. Each to their own.

        Yes, you’ ve hit on a nerve with your post, which shows you how important some people consider their Blogs or their dating life / experiences. The arguments go in both directions, which is a good thing. For my part, I will probably write about dates, rendezvous or whatever at some time in the future – and I think most personal Blogs will contain some post eventually – just to relieve my mind.

        With your 8,000 hits on this post, I know the feeling. I’m getting over 500 hits every single day at the moment which has helped me see the direction I should move in. Perhaps you could be the next Date Doctor? And good to see that you publish critical comments, some people are too proud.

        Viki.

  26. blackshepherd says:

    Josh, I appreciate you not writing about our date…I’ll keep it secret too but I will say here that you were very boring…sorry…and you really should tip more…I think all men since the creation of writing stones should tip more just as we all should agree with you…discretion is the better part of valor…

    • joshlandy says:

      Alright,

      Yea I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Couldn’t pretend to be interested in talking about sheep for the whole evening, which is why I said I wasn’t feeling great after main course. Usually you can’t stop me from getting a dessert.

      Anyway you’re right – we should bloody tip more, we’re all a bloody disgrace and all useless and after one thing and one thing only.

      See you in hell.

      Josh

  27. adventuresinuncooking says:

    I agree. Although I respect the right of anyone to write about their love lives, I reserve the right not to read it. : ) If everyone wrote about their dating experiences, most or all dates would involve a lot more paranoia so I don’t want to encourage that… dating is a miserable enough experience as it is!

  28. hmm…agree to disagree on this one. haha. congrats on freshly pressed!
    http://dearexgirlfriend.com/

  29. 4myskin says:

    Completely agree with you! If someone has a date, and wants to say something along the lines of, “it went well, we had fun”, or “not so much”, OK, that can be acceptable. But so many have long posts about how horrible the date was, how the guy/girl was weird, how they won’t be seeing them again, etc. etc, etc. It’s demeaning and rude. So thank you! And Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! 😀

  30. oh, oh – the blogger’s dilemma … the youngest two of my crew have shut me down before and hey, I listen … an try to convince them it is all somehow fictionalized, and then delete, delete…

  31. Sajib says:

    I don’t think it’s bad to blog about dating as well as long as the blogger has at least some common sense.

  32. tiallarising says:

    “the girl just wasn’t good enough”??? How about you two just weren’t right for each other?? Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

    http://www.tiallarising.wordpress.com

  33. Evelyn says:

    I’m reading a lot of comments about blogging about dating being about “the blogger” and “the audience” and “the dialogue.” What about the poor sap who thinks s/he’s just going out on a date and ends up being the latest laughingstock on the blog of Queen B*tch or King Jerk?

    Yeah yeah, maybe it’s anonymous. And yeah maybe s/he was ugly / cheap ./ boring / smug / smelled bad / awkward / insert-insult-here. That doesn’t take away from the fact that the other person is a human being who might rather appreciate you simply growing a pair and saying to his/her face, “I didn’t feel a connection last night, but thanks for spending the evening with me,” instead of posting a blow-by-blow on the internet for all the world to see. What if the other person thought the date was fun and THAT’S how s/he finds out it wasn’t?

    Horrifying, the attitudes on this thread.

    • Posky says:

      I have to agree and disagree at the same time.

      It is sad how cruel some of these dating bloggers can be. However, there is one such blog I actually read because she posts the men’s profiles from the dating website with photos and everything before ripping into them.

      It’s absolutely awful and mean and insensitive and inconsiderate, but I am just amazed each time I read it.

  34. Lushfun says:

    Everything is fine

  35. moroccomama says:

    Ugh, people are always trying to milk their lives for blog-worthy material. Love lives are not an exception. All this overexposure gets so tiresome. It’s SO REFRESHING to find a blogger who has very clear boundaries between his private life and his blogging material.

  36. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

    But I’m like you… I don’t particularly want to read about all that stroking. ;0)

    Sarah x

    http://stylesouk.wordpress.com

  37. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

    But I’m like you… I don’t particularly want to read about all that stroking. ;0)

    Sarah x

  38. knitwitted says:

    So what is the name of the girl’s other boob?

  39. well, i’m one of the many online blogging about their “self-indulgent drivel” 🙂 but i have never presumed to speak for all women– this has been a way for me to work out what’s gone wrong in my love life, and what i can do to fix it– no, i’m not doing this anonymously, because i’m a pretty open person and have nothing to hide, but it’s never been my intention to embarrass anyone or call them out (i probably embarrass myself, but that’s okay, right?) — and whether or not others want to read it, well, that’s their call– so i will respectfully disagree with you 🙂

  40. Rhae says:

    there are definitely lots of things others reading could totally careless about. i’ve been a blogger for many years, still quite new to wordpress. yet i am a poet/writer who writes in all aspects of my life and life in general. i think it really depends on how a person is writing about said love or relationship(s) or even a date. if they seem to be stuck on the obviously materialistic aspects within the writing, clearly it can be seen as pure self indulgence. and though read me the right way please, i’m not trying to convince you or sway you of any sort, lol. yet, i have totally written about love etc. not always specifically detailed information on how great a date was/is but have written about the perspective in which my life has seen things. and and say someone hasn’t dated in more than 5 years or so and their first date or dates caused them to want to post about it. its a great thing to know that others are bold enough to even put such venerable things out there to begin with. i mean to each their own. everyone and anyone has the right to blog whatever. everyone and anyone’s blogging styles are different and attract different readers. i say power to your Arsenal post and power to the person(s) who blog about love. someone has to be the first, second, third whatever.

    liked your post as well. you just arent the type of person to blog about such topics and thats cool, because you do have other things that maybe someone else couldnt blog about.

  41. Ash says:

    I think it’s a very, very small percentage of bloggers who say “women don’t want to be [X, Y, Z]” rather than simply reporting on their experiences. I don’t see so much of a problem with people writing about that – there’s as much of a market for their stuff as yours (perhaps more, as more people date than support football teams…).

    The problem is when people forget who they are and develop delusions of grandeur. You wouldn’t, for example, suggest that your blog has the support of anyone who hasn’t expressly communicated that support, would you? I think you’re talking about people who forget that they are writing on their own behalf and that until people agree with them, their opinion is their own.

  42. slamdunk says:

    I agree, but unfortunately it seems to be a popular niche for some. It seems like just more of an opportunity for folks to make fun of others.

  43. I think a funny take on one’s dating life is a totally acceptable blogging topic, but some boring play-by-play of your dinner date, not so much (who wants to read that?). But then again, I think a funny take on pretty much anything is a good blog topic, because funny is funny. Still, I totally agree that no one should try to speak on behalf of a gender, or to pigeonhole men and women into categories.
    And, as abookend said, all blogging is basically self-indulgent…might as well just love it! 🙂
    Either way, congrats! Blog on, friend! 🙂

  44. luv4lionheads says:

    I’d have to agree with you, there. I really wouldn’t read a blog about some stranger’s love life, though I’m sure the romance genre readers would appreciate it. I just don’t think the topic of one’s personal dating life wuold be very popular.

  45. shythom says:

    biggest lesson i’ve learned/observed since writing online since 1998… everyone is free to write what they want to write about online. but they better be accountable for what they say. and be prepared for the consequences.

    personally, i think blogging about one’s date(s) is fine. but i would prefer that they be respectful to the other person (don’t use real names or post photos – leave out personal information that could ID their date). on the other hand, if their date was being totally moronic, i think said date should have been accountable for his/her actions – and therefore, probably deserved to be blogged about.

    for example, i had this one guy basically say to me how he’s trying to figure out how to get me and therefore into my pants.

    this was only what… 10 minutes into our date? our first date, too. man – shortest date of my life.

    see? he was definitely not at all a representation for the male portion of our race. but he DEFINITELY deserved to be blogged about.

  46. thethresher says:

    Congrats on the front page. If you’ve got the time, check out my first entry. It’s about…dating.

    Nice post.

  47. Interesting comments here — looks like you touched some nerves.
    Any topic can be entertaining if the writing is good enough, but one hope that writers will be cautious in writing about their fellow human beings.

  48. jordansta says:

    Many people would care about your date even though they say they really would’nt.The same people that watch shows such as The HIlls, Hell Date, Keeping up with the Kardashians, or other reality shows like that. The reason that peopel watch those shows are to see what celebrities do during their day. However, since you are a regualr person yours would be more similiar to The Hills and if you have interesting and outrageous dates than the same people that were reading it before will probably still read and you will also probably gain a younger audience.

  49. I think it is good to set up boundries about what you will and wil not write about. I have seen some bloggers write about their love life and then get made when commenters question their actions. If you put it out there, you have to be comfortable with what you get back because not everyone will agree with you. Good topic and congrats on getting pressed.

  50. Lakia says:

    This is very interesting. I thought what you wrote was pretty good 🙂

  51. Geej says:

    So let me get this straight: blogging about one’s love life is *not* okay, but soliciting a date via blog *is.*

    Hmmm . . .

  52. cassiecares says:

    People say this to me ALL the time, “Cassie, please don’t write about this!” I always get permission, and change names if necessary, but hey, what’s life without a little public humiliation?

    http://www.cassiecares.com

  53. I don’t feel experienced enough to comment on yoru blogging skills. It seems fine to me.

    Blogging about people one knows personally is a bit of a danger area. It’s best to err on the side of caution and keep their identity hidden. What goes out tends to bounce back again eventually.

  54. congrats on being freshly-pressed!

    I have been toying with starting to blog about my life post-divorce…but like you say, I don’t think my dates would like to read the play-by-plays in the blogosphere 🙂

    well-written post though…keep them coming!

  55. I think it’s definitely unfair for the person who’s the brunt of those blogs, the guy or girl who can’t defend themselves when the person starts claiming things that may or may not have happened, because you’re only seeing it from their side (for example, a woman blogging “oh, he didn’t tip very well! What a cheapo!” even though the guy felt the service wasn’t up to par or was spoken to rudely).

    Also, I can’t imagine a serious relationship coming out of someone treating a date as though it’s a movie or a book or a video game, to be scrutinized and reviewed every moment to decide whether or not it was worth it, and then putting it on the internet for all to see. That said, it makes for entertainment in the same way Big Brother or Survivor does I guess (I don’t enjoy either of those programs), so if people enjoy that type of trash-blogging, that’s cool. I’d write it but I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years with the same person, I have a hard time believing anyone’s going to find that too exciting. “Had sex for the 1500th time today… then we went and got some McDonalds. Yum.”

  56. Blogging about dates can be a bit tricky but provided a little discretion is usually all that’s needed.

  57. Catherine says:

    I would have to disagree about this. I think that people do enjoy hearing about another’s dating life, or romantic life, if it’s told in an appropriate and interesting way. I was supposed to be married this past July, and ended up cancelling the wedding when I discovered that my ex wasn’t who I thought he was (and there was no way I could move forward with the marriage). Months after we broke up, I started my blog. It was intended to be a blog about my journey as a single girl – single for the first time since I was 18 (and I’m almost 26 now). I talk about dating, starting new relationships, dealing with the loss and sadness after a break up. I thought no one would want to read it but my mom and my two sisters – but I was wrong. I have found an incredible group of followers. They are my extended support group through hard times, and they are even my friends. Why do I think they care about what I have to say? A: Because I’m lucky. B: Because EVERYONE has loved, everyone has lossed something/someone they love and most everyone wants the same thing – to be happy. So these dating sites, while they often tell hilarious stories about terrible first dates, are really about one thing: the pursuit of happiness, once component being finding someone to love (and to love you in return). Everyone wants to be loved and to have their own version of “happily ever after.”

    So, I’ll have to say this – I’m happy not everyone thinks like you. Or else no one would read my blog, and I wouldn’t be able talk with all these people who, at some point in their lives, have gone through something similar. And I’m glad for all the dating/relationship blogs I read. I’ve never really dated (since I met my ex fiancée when I was so young), and they’ve taught me so much about what the dating scene is like and what to expect. And, I feel a certain camaraderie with these bloggers, watching (and commenting) on their pursuit of happiness.

    Seems to me you haven’t been reading the right dating/relationship blogs. Perhaps you should give them another look? There are more than just the snarky blogs written by men and women who claim to speak for their entire sex. There are real people, looking for love, looking for contentment (in all avenues of their lives, not just their love lives) and looking to grow – and luckily (for me anyway), there is a community of people who embrace this.

    http://simplysolo.wordpress.com

  58. wigsf says:

    I think it’s okay to write about dating. Not so much in a how-to guide (unless you’re just trying to make people laugh and not all help anybody anywhere), but more in the sense of “This is what I did last night” which would be no different if you were blogging about going to the pub for drinks with friends.
    I think the one thing about blogging about dating is if the person you went out with reads the blog and confronts you about what you wrote. Or, do you write about the date at all, knowing that the other person will read the blog.
    I once met a woman who had read my blog and thought “I’d like to meet this guy.” The meeting did not go well. I knew it didn’t go well (a first for me, not the poor result, but my own noticing of the poor result). When I blogged about that night, I omitted that I was on a blind date. I omitted that I was meeting a young lady. I omitted that it was an awful date.

  59. wizardist says:

    Remembering the episode of The Big Bang Theory about Penny throwing her new (and ex-) boyfriend’s iPod through the window. 🙂

  60. rose-marie says:

    I haven’t really read it, but the introduction made me laugh, hope I can read it sometime soon..

  61. Jenna says:

    I agree that some things are best left private–however the reader is just as responsible as the writer.

  62. joannamv says:

    I just feel sorry for the poor date whose negative qualities are broadcast across the internet.

  63. Melanie T says:

    Well written post. I think blogs are self-indulgent in nature, you talk about something you’re knowledgeable in, you talk about your life experiences, you talk about your opinion, etc. It’s all about you, yourself. I will read any blog that is well-written, this my friend, was well-written. Well-deserving of freshly-pressed. Congratulations!

  64. The first several lines of your post definitely caught my interest. I just started my own blog (for the first time in my cybercareer not hiding behind various corporate blogs) and the sense that no one gives a damn is terrifying! That said, I promise never to write about dating – I’ll limit my narcissism to other areas. Keep up the good work!

  65. rondaholly says:

    I would not care about yours or anyone else’s dates. If I need some advice in that respect, I really like “My Messy Room” or the online men’s mag “AskMen”. I began blogging in 2006 as a sort of therapy on MSN Spaces. It was not public and I never really thought a lot about who would read it. I guess I just did it to get stuff off my chest so I could continue on. 🙂 I think we humans need interaction with others to feel grounded, accepted, and nourished.

  66. enjoibeing says:

    good read. i think that a blogger can write about anything even dating as long as its tasteful and not so emo.

    http://enjoibeing.wordpress.com/

  67. Tiny Temper says:

    I’m another of those self-indulgent women who blogs on internet dating 🙂 But, the bottom line is this: we are all free to choose our subjects and we are all free to choose our reading material. I am careful to conceal identities and even blog under a pen-name so there’s little chance of a date recognising himself. Each to their own, I say!

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed 🙂

  68. Just goes to show, sometimes a good rant will get you freshly pressed. I love it. Congratulations.

  69. Eliza says:

    great post. . I like blogging about dating , but I’m a phone whore so I kinda don’t have a choice

  70. I can definitely see where you are coming from. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 😀

    And congratulations on making the front page!

  71. evilcyber says:

    John, I think what you discovered is that blogging, twittering and all the other paraphernalia pretty much replaced what used to be neighbourhood talk. And more often than not, you get the same quality. The difference is that these electronic outlets of self are much more self-centered.

    Evil
    http://www.evilcyber.com

  72. klittlewoman says:

    Well…(honestly)…maybe people are interested more on your profile picture than on what u write….but anyway..
    i Like Blogs , you can share experiences with people with the same experiences as you, like Love, Marriage, Relationships, hate, anger, every situation, and each feeling…and than… you find support, that’s y i like blogs.
    u find different supports from different people.

  73. I simultaneously agree with you and think you’re arrogant and wrong. Of course there should be limits on what people post online. Of course we should respect the privacy of others and try to add something beneficial to the blogosphere. However, I think it’s horrible to assume that all blogging about personal lives is self-indulgent. There are ways to write about our experiences that entertain or encourage others. There’s even the possibility that we can learn from reading each others’ experiences.

  74. kladams1234 says:

    Sometimes people need to read what other people are actually thinking on the other side of the date. I like to write about the hilarious dates I have been on – only because they are funny. The good ones, I don’t need to write about. They are boring. But, the interesting ones forget it – I am sharing.

    Side note, I just may have to take you up on the Stamford Hill. It looks like a place to find quality dates. I’m sure I would have lots of material to write about. They seem like nice, lively people. I’d fit right in.

  75. doranyc says:

    I’m right there with you. I think dating blogs are TMI unless only a select number of people who you consider to be friends can read it. I have a private blog so whenever I’d write about a funny date I had or something, I knew that it wasn’t going beyond 50 people. As for blogs about gender issues or sex in general – it’s value, either for entertainment or if it’s educational, just depends on the writer.

  76. Liliana says:

    Josh.. I realized this the hard way.. the person I went on a date with read my blog.. and I feel kind of bad about it. Lesson learned… also I realize I like writing about myself more than others.. I have to say I agree with you on this one, especially if you aren’t anonymous.

  77. paulandsusan says:

    Hey man, this was a great read.

    Probably a combination of your style, and the fact that I agree with you. I have a nasty habit of holding my opinion like it’s the truth, but then, don’t we all. Press on bro.

  78. caroline351 says:

    To say that blogging about relationships is “not fine” is a bit harsh. A wise woman once told me to write about what I know. I know dating. I don’t write about every little detail, I write lessons and anecdotes that make people smile, or reflect. In some cases, they praise the lord they’re lucky enough not to have had to sit across from a guy who discusses his bowel movements on a first date.
    Perhaps there are some people who overexpose their relationships, but there are also people out there who write about nothing at all. You should be open minded and judge the writing and not necessarily the material, you might be surprised.

  79. I think the main reason that people shouldn’t blog about their dates—and you really make this point—is that it’s the record of two people, not one. And that other person hasn’t consented to you talking about the date–and probably wouldn’t date you again.

    I remember, sadly, this radio DJ (with Kid in the Morning) who was constantly asked to talk about his dates on the show–and how he kept messing them up, but also about the women. I’m hoping they were made up—with made-up people—because how could anyone survive that scrutiny, and the comments from other people? Who would willingly give up their private life to someone else to write about, or talk about… ??

  80. Megan says:

    Yes, I totally get this. I wrote this a few months ago about the exact same subject…http://plannermegan.wordpress.com/2010/10/08/boy-talk/

    I also recently went on a date with a guy who freaked out when i told him I had a blog. He knew a guy that got completely burned because she trashed him all over her blog and it sort of ruined him. My parents read my blog, so why would I be that way?!?! Needless to say, there was no second date.

    Let’s all be careful out there, shall we?

  81. I’m with you in that, for a while, I was embarrassed about having a blog because people might find it silly. However, as I’ve gotten better (and more confident) with my baking/writing/self-consciousness, I’ve told more and more people about my site. I’ve also learned that I enjoy people who are passionate about something, so whatever you’re writing will be interesting as long as YOU care about it enough to convey it in a way that makes me as excited about the topic as you are. Very rarely is this going to be about a date. Sometimes there are legitimately funny dating stories, but other times, as you say, there are just self-indulgent recounts of what went on.

  82. R says:

    I, too, write about dating and other such stuff. This from the gay world, not so much the straight, but I wonder how close SOME of the experiences will be. My page is prompted from terrible experiences that I was having and it felt good to let em out.

  83. SJWhipp says:

    Amen!!! I feel like there are many more interesting topics to talk about than last night’s date. I agree, better to talk in person. It’s like that great quote, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

    Congrats on being freshly pressed!

  84. Congrats on being freshly pressed! It is quite an overload on the inbox though;). Thanks for the your humorous input on this. Have to say though I would not do it myself if that is the part of their lives they choose to share all the power to them. I choose to share my photography and things/people that affect my life. If done in a humorous and non-condescending way (well not too conscending) speaking of one’s experiences can be quite funny (there are some wacky people out there). Of course keeping the real names anonymous is important. I don’t personally read blogs about dating but I did read Chelsea Handler’s book “My Horizontal Life” and thouroughly enjoyed it. I think it really is all in what point of view it comes from. Good luck in your dating life that we shall hear nothing about ……perhaps:)

  85. ShallopCover says:

    Hey Josh,
    I’ll admit this is the first time I”ve randomly checked out someone elses blog… at least someone I didn’t already know. I actually really enjoy this post and I”m probably going to be checking out more of your stuff.

    The ironic part is that I am here telling you that I enjoy the post however, in my own blog I don’t write strictly about relationships and aspects of that nature, but there is probably more then half of my entries that encorporate it somehow.

    The issue with it is that I write whenever something comes to mind to write about, between the end of summer and through to October I didn’t write much because nothing sparked. However, when I started my blog I was just recently single and dealing with that fact. So a lot of the experiences that shaped my day to day life involved the social interactions with the opposite sex. So, it reflected a lot in my blog. Things like the “Nice Guys Finish Last mentality” and “The Friend Zone” etc etc… My blog is kind’ve a reflection of what my life is.

    I do have a lot of dating-ish topics, but I try to keep them as non-gender specific as I can, and although I do include examples of things that I have done or have witnessed, the generally point of the entry is usually an overall topic that I’m analyzing. (With a few examples of entries written while drinking or angry heh)

    I don’t think you’ll be a fan of my work, however that is no reason that I cannot appreciate this entry. Great work dude. I’ll be checking this out frequently.

  86. ryoko861 says:

    I NEVER share my blog on Facebook.
    I write stuff that includes my friends. I’d hate for someone to read it and take it out of context. Then go blab it to one of them. There’s always someone who likes to create controversy.

    I agree though. Some things should be kept private. If you feel the need to blog it, create another account and spill it there under an alias or something.

  87. Whale Maiden says:

    If you blog and give people pseudonyms, then maybe it is ok to talk about your dating experiences. I wouldn’t want to read mean stories, but I would like to read funny ones, or sweet ones.

    If you must use real names and get into the details of a date or a relationship, then there are other alternatives. You can:
    1. write in a private Journal.
    2. call a friend and tell them about it.

    Meanwhile, congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  88. patridew says:

    Blogging scruples. I like it.

  89. Devon Begg says:

    I don’t mind other people blogging about their dating life. Am I interested in it? Sometimes, but usually not at all. There are plenty of other topics like sports or movies that don’t catch my interest either. Just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean that there aren’t other people out there who enjoy it, so there’s no need to be putting those bloggers down.

    That said, I do see where you are coming from. I am turned off by dating blogs where the blogger has a lousy attitude towards the opposite sex or is just negative in general. It makes me think to myself, “well then, I can see why this person is single!!” at which point I move on to something more positive to read somewhere else.

  90. Sizzle says:

    I would not for one moment continue dating a girl who blogged about our love life in anything more than the most generic terms. I thoroughly agree with what Josh has put forth here. I’m by no means a technophobe or anything, but I feel like with Twitter, Facebook, blogging, etc. some people are saying much much more than needs to be said.

    Dating is something that requires class, decorum and discretion.

  91. auntbethany says:

    I honestly only read relation-ship centered blogs if they fall under the category of “Comedy.” There’d better be a humorous anecdote or big date FAIL written all over the story, otherwise, I’d prefer to not hear about people complain and whine over a failed date. That’s what dating is all about….either failing OR succeeding at a date….if you fail, then it’s back the drawing board….if it goes well, then you could possibly move to the next level…and that’s cause for a celebratory post.

    I haven’t stumbled across many posts featuring relationships, but the ones I have seem to be positive and upbeat.

    I find when I do have a bad date, I do try to take the humor out of it. And when I get to blog about something humorous, it lifts my spirits and reminds me that hey, don’t take life too seriously.

    Great post…congrats on FP!

  92. karen0909 says:

    hahahah, your post made me laugh. I once went on a date with a guy who actually asked me if I had a blog. When I told him I did, he looked at me like I was cancer personified. He said this couldnt go any further because his ex gave a play by play of their entire relationship to her blog readers. I was just as mortified as he was!
    Why would anyone do that! Crazyyy. Anyway, you have a cool blog! I’ll be following your posts on Twitter 🙂

  93. lynnaima says:

    It is interesting this viewpoint and quite understandable from a male’s point of view as such types of blogging tend to be by females lol. Congrats on being freshly pressed and in less than 3 months!! Kudos! I was waiting to see how long it would take you to stop replying to most on here lol.
    http://lynnaima.wordpress.com/2010/11/29/my-love-for-you/

  94. Samantha Penhale says:

    Dates themselves are a prerequisite to this discussion. As for me, I’m purely jealous that you’re celebrating 1,000 hits after 2 months AND freshly pressed. Golden child. 😉 Enjoy all of it. And, it’s true that some topics are really off limits.

    Ciao!

  95. FrancesLee says:

    Oh I wish I had the balls you do. Don’t get me wrong I’m an “i dont give a shit” kinda gal. But I so wish I could blog about dating life (or lack there of) on a regular basis. Yet. I can’t get over my mother relating some of my blogs to soft core porn. Sigh

  96. Mia says:

    Haha Josh. First things first: great post. At it turns out, I’m single but we’d have two major problems from the getgo. Problem number one can be found at http://www.miasaysyes.wordpress.com; check out the Jane & Steve situation. Problem number two? I’m a ManU fan. I’m new to this soccer thing but alas, that’s my team now and I so don’t get why you Arsenal fans don’t just cross over 🙂

    Congrats on your new blog. Please come by and say hi. Looking forward to ‘seeing’ you there. Till then, cheers!

  97. rtcrita says:

    It’s sort of like the T.V. programming–if you don’t like what’s on, change the channel. Obviously, there are lots of things I know are on the T.V. that I don’t care for, agree with, or am even in the least bit interested. So, I seek out the programs I want to see or turn the T.V. off if there is nothing on that interests me. That part is pretty simple.

    As to whether it’s right, wrong, good or bad to write about an individual’s dating experience, I suppose I would have to say it depends on how it’s done. Like most have said here, I also don’t agree with one thinking it is okay to speak on behalf of their gender. Then again, I’m mature enough to realize that just because they do so, doesn’t mean I believe a word they say.

    You have formed your opinion based on how you feel about it, and I agree with most of what you said; most, but not everything. What comes to my mind right off the bat is the Sex and the City series and how that was about the dating experiences of 4 women–fictional or not–that had the interest of a large group of people who wanted to tune in every week to find out what new experiences these women had lived since viewing last time. It wasn’t for everyone, but enough that it became a very popular show. Now, if the individual who was writing a dating blog could write as well as the creator of that show, I would probably read it. Most of the time, they don’t–and it’s boring. (By the way, when SATC originally came out, I had no interest in it. I was married and happy and too busy. After becoming single again, it hooked me in.)

    To sum it up, to each his/her own! Great topic. Congratulations, and good luck in your dating life.

  98. 100edater says:

    Not all who blog on dating are that selfish… I blog about my dating experiences and I NEVER speak on behalf of woman kind and I definitely admit to my own faults. Plus, I see it as something I can look back on and laugh at how ridiculously silly I am in analyzing people, events, etc. I find it interesting that others find my experiences interesting, but maybe that’s because I am honest and funny… just like you.

    http://100edates.wordpress.com

  99. If someone has a humorous story to tell that people can relate to, then fine. Don’t use names, try not to slander the individual. Don’t use the post to hurt or injure the individual no matter how wronged you feel. Write a book, I guess. It could still come back to bite you. Frankly, sharing dirty laundry about a divorce seems tacky and should remain a private thing. But, I realize I’m probably in the minority. For some reason, Jerry Springer spawned a decade of too much sharing.

  100. tokyotombola says:

    Occasionally, I’ll write a blog post about relationships or dating. My personal argument for doing so is that not everyone has similar experiences in these fields and many want to compare what they experience with what other people do. People often judge their behaviour by that of other people and whilst I’m not arrogant enough to think that what I have to say will influence anyone’s behaviour or ideas, I do like the thought that my voice on the subject can be added to a collective and that someone, somewhere, may find it useful.

    I never identify individuals using their names and I do try to blog on a general perspective without focusing on one dating event in particular, although this is hard sometimes.

    I have read some dating blogs that are in fact self-indulgent tripe and those that seek to victimise the people with whom the blogger went on a date, but in my experience they are definitely in the minority.

  101. dearliv says:

    Blogs about dating are right up there with blogs about potty training, the family trip to Yellowstone, and “all the things I’ve learned from my cat.” All I have to say is: amen brother!

  102. evil eye says:

    I do not think blogging about dating could be real.Could you write the things the real feelings when you know that the other person is reading?

  103. Lauren says:

    I thought about starting a dating blog, because I’ve been on some interesting dates (interesting is a very loose, vague term, haha). I realized, though that I would never sit and read about anyone else’s crazy dating life, so who would read about mine! I have a plethora of dating stories, but it’s much more fun to chit-chat with the girlfriends about those men.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, btw! 🙂

  104. I think it’s fine to write about dating, there can be some funny stories and good advice. Just keep it anonymous and don’t bad mouth the other person too much.

  105. Ms. Hala says:

    I have to say I agree with you to some extent, blogging about every single day of your life is just as inane as tweeting about every time you go to the bathroom. I do blog about my experiences when it comes to relationships (http://mshala.wordpress.com/about-w-i-s-s) however I do not write them in the sense that you speak of.

  106. Self indulgence indeed! I’m all for it! There are moments of TMI in my blogs regularly though. Fuzzy boundaries…

  107. Reading someone else’s blog is a lot like watching a reality show…it’s so much fun to see other people’s muckery — at least this Greek blonde girl knows she is not alone. Thanks for sharing!

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

  108. Hrrrm.
    Not all dating blogs are bad.
    A majority of the ones I read mix it up a little.
    Mine included.
    I dont rant and rave about how crapola the male species are , i like to write in general to just express what im thinking. Just because soemone writes about the world of dating and relationships it doesnt mean you have to like it, you are free to have your own opinion, as much as some of us can say we dont want to hear all about football on a blog either.
    I mean I could write about football, but then again you probably wouldnt read it because it would be all about West Ham.
    There are borderlines about writing about relationships though that i would never cross.
    Seriously I dont need to go into intense detail about a date, it just wouldnt necessarily be right. a big two pager blog on eating pasta with some dude is just not the way forward.
    Smaller details with a bit of humour are what can be considered a bit of a worthwhile read.

    BTW Im single and I dont live in Stamford Hill.
    But I think youre a little too far away and I may be tempted to write about our drink if it ever happened, only as the whole blog would probabaly be about us arguing about West Ham and Arsenal 🙂

    PS Congrats on being Freshly pressed.

  109. dwm.exe says:

    I hope it doesn’t offend you if I said I wouldn’t care about your date. This is because I like to think some things can remain private, and respectable. But don’t doubt you have a lot of interesting things to write about! So either way, keep up the good work – you were freshly pressed for a reason! 🙂

  110. Olivia says:

    I think romantic stories that aren’t blasted all over the world are…special. Like a hidden treasure. Don’t use your love or your relationships to get attention. Respect those you interact with.

  111. zoog says:

    You sure you’re not Eddie Munster!? : )

  112. I’m just tipping my hat to you, figuratively speaking, for getting the “Freshly Pressed’ spot after only blogging for a short time. Congrats. Certainly a fait accompli.

    And I myself blogged once about a hidious date…. After a time I removed it for just the reasons you stated.

    Good bit of advice.

  113. Oh man. I wish I could read all of these comments but I don’t have the patience. I’d be interested to know what your blog view is at now. Did it double in 24 hours?

    Personally, I think people who blog about dating are either really obnoxious and have way too high of an opinion of themselves or they are self-deprecating, which is also really obnoxious and with way too high of an opinion of themselves. Most people are probably in the middle.

    what would you do if someone blogged about a date you went on with them? would you read it? would that be weird? anyway.

  114. God, I have to admit that I do seriously love reading about people’s self indulgent love lives.

  115. Very agree to the opinion in the blog topic. right thoughts..

  116. achilliad says:

    I think you just pitched yourself and will achieve an increase in your “little black book” – or whatever the modern digital equivalent of that is these days. Good “reverese psychology” LOL
    Way to get “pressed”, Dude!

    http://www.achilliad.wordpress.com

  117. Hmm. I would agree with you that it’s annoying when people speak on behalf of a group which they really have no place speaking on behalf of. But I would disagree with your view of it not being okay to blog about dating. I, myself, blog for more reasons than just trying to get a point across to people. I also blog to get feedback on current issues in my life. If I went on a date and had mixed feelings on how it went, I would definitely blog about it to get some feedback to try and figure out where to go from there.

    Obviously, I haven’t read the blog of the girl you’re using as an example, so I can’t judge for myself, nor do I know in what manner or for what purpose she is blogging about her dates. But I think blogging about dating is fine if done in the proper manner.

  118. rigg says:

    who doesnt want to read about a good date, but what about bad date…. we are not on tv, tv shows need that kind of attention but the big I does not.

  119. Wow… For a dater-(blogger-)hater, WordPress users are SO much nicer with their comments to you than say, YouTube users and their foul language and ‘dislike’ button. 😉

    Yes I got directed (distracted?) here from Freshly Pressed to add to your 153262157119972 comment count that you might not even read… But thought it might be worth a shot to say HEY – you just virtually slapped me in my face with a fish because MY blog is centred on love and dating! 😦

    You work with the media as with I, so you might get what I’m trying to say. I think, completely against what you wrote, people ARE in fact VERY interested in other normal people’s social activities and dating lives (explosion of reality TV programmes over the last 2 years), especially if these people are friends or friends of friends (obsession with Facebook stalking), or heck, even the blow by blow account of what you had to eat for lunch today (advent of Twitter) – although I would never torture my ‘followers’ with how many times I went to the toilet this afternoon.

    Until we reach self-actualization, we’re just self-obssessed, curious individuals!

    Instead of love advice, in the same line, what gives bloggers the empowerment and authority to give say, makeup advice or cooking advice? Who made them ‘Cook Chef Extraordinaire of the Year’? (Unless of course, they actually are one and I will shut up.) Because and I quote, you advocate it is a-ok to write about a passion. And so it is, I have a passion for love and dating, and everything that has gone wrong (for me) with it.

    I understand what you mean about “writing on behalf of a certain gender” though – I must remember to never do that!

    What I do write about though and hope to write about more, is lessons in love and the lessons I have learnt – which are far and plenty since I have failed so miserably!

    Surely a man like you would be interested in reading what a little asian girl and all her hot friends think about (or prefer) when it comes to men with money, looks, a hot bod, personality or corporate or social status??? 🙂 *Blink blink bat eyelids*

    A post I wrote titled The Honest Truth: What some girls think of you – http://loveyouwrongtime.wordpress.com/2010/11/14/what-some-girls-think-of-you/

    Or maybe not.

    Why not??? What’s wrong with me? There can’t be anything wrong with me.

    Oh wait, I’m single…

    Love, Estelle Kiora
    (Also a few-month old new blogger whose site stats jumped to a measly 13,445 hits since I started writing about everything to do with love.
    Currently residing in Asia where everyone is nosey and loves looking at girls’ blogs, especially if the girls are self-obssessed, have lots of pictures of themselves, and has done plastic surgery.
    ‘This is why I’m not hot’ here in my country’s blogosphere.
    My brother resides in the UK though!)
    http://www.loveyouwrongtime.wordpress.com

  120. kharina says:

    Hi … I am writing about woman at my age complete with all the stuff there, so do you think it is bad too? I do not mention any name there? hahahhhhahhaaha And I just wrote down what I felt at that time, maybe same like the woman whom you mention about hahahahhhahaa.
    I think you are free to write what ever you want at the blog, you are free to let people choose whether they want to read it or not, right?
    But ok … I like how you write down there. Two thumbs up 🙂
    Have a great day

  121. Great post, i’ll have to think about not writing about marriage haha.

  122. nuvika says:

    At the time that I knew them, they were not living together.

    They began dating again after their divorce,

    so I didn’t really see fighting.

  123. Hello there!interesting article about relationship. You know everyone of us, has the freedom to express what we think its either verbal or written so, its up to you what will you write in your personal blog. You know sometimes personal blogs can be helpful to the people who has the same situation-and there are two different effects when you blog: readers add feedback because they can relate to the topic or nothing at all. Actually your blog is effective its obvious right? More outgoing young people will get interested because your topic is good, so keep it up!

  124. Lil Bliss says:

    “Self indulgent drivel” is harsh… that’s what we’re all doing, isn’t it? We all get something out of writing blogs… we’re all self indulgent in almost everything we do. It’s human nature.

  125. CrystalSpins says:

    Hey Josh…thanks for contributing to the converstation…but I feel like I have to tell you that the blog posts I write about dating are by FAR my most popular ones. With me I think its kind of like how people slow down and stare while driving past a car wreck. And the reason i share about dating: sometimes my stories can only be redeemed through the laughter of others.

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed after only a few months. Nicely done.

    Crystal
    http://www.crystalspins.com

  126. Interesting topic! Personally, I like to write about all aspects of my life, the love life (or lack thereof) portion included. And I love reading others’ blogs on nearly any subject, as long as it’s entertaining and interesting. That being said, there’s nothing quite so awful as reading a blog in which someone is out to humiliate another person. Change the names, and if you have a public blog that your friends and family know about, start a second blog that’s more private to write about things that could potentially embarrass someone you know. First, do no harm. Second, always use your blogging superpowers for good, not evil.

    Congrats on being FP’d!

  127. I agree, speaking for your gender as the self promoted spokesperson is a little more than annoying and is prideful. But also I think that love and explorations into love are always interesting to read or write about, however mistaken a person might be.
    On another note, congrats to the Gunners on their win today.

  128. fukutoshin says:

    Nice insight. My point of view? When personal blogging run off with a vengeance, privacy went out of the window after it. I have seen enough posts about when someone’s dog pooped on the doorsteps than you care to count. Blogging like telling the world to go away and be judgmental somewhere else, I personally take up that challenge and close the page when I see something I don’t like or care about. I blog in that same way too (probably explains why I am not getting high readership or comments). It’s out of the kindness of my heart that I decides to leave other people’s “non fun” moments out of my blog, you don’t find many like me these days (yes, I am into shameless self advertisement too)

  129. househo says:

    Blogging about your love life helps those out there in need of laughing at themselves or helping themselves not to have that bad date. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

  130. sarahzabeth says:

    Wonderful post! I enjoy reading your blog, you have a great writing style. Keep it up!

    – Sarahzabeth

  131. Ciphur says:

    Am I getting too carried by public opinion when I read such posts and wonder if I am doing the right thing by writing the kind of stuff that I do ?

    But really, apart from building up writing skills, meeting like minded individuals and writing for social causes/awareness on particular topics , whatever, blogging also serves as a replacement for a ‘personal’ diary albeit very ‘public’ in nature.

    I see it as an outlet for feelings and getting to indulge in ‘some kind of creativity’ ,’making the best out of junk feelings ‘.

    It also helps me see what boundaries I can push my self to by telling something very personal (though not very clearly) ,on a very public forum.

    Thanks for writing this post.
    Unfortunately now I see myself re-thinking every-time I write something… whether I should really be posting this or not ? 😦

    And in that case I will mostly end up posting NOTHING 🙂

  132. kasj says:

    … you made me smile, so that counts! 🙂

  133. Carla says:

    I think this is a female thing, we’re notoriously more self-absorbed than men. And then, there’s all that media influence, a la secret-diary-of-a-call-girl and sex-in-the-city. By the way, if you have a newspaper column about your dating life, or you turn your sex life into a book/TV series/movie, does that make it any better?

    And funny enough, before I got distracted with your post, I was heading to my blog with the intention of posting something about dating… 😦

  134. prutledge says:

    Hmmm, I don’t know. Although I think this is a well-written post, I think you’ve overgeneralized a little. Being a dating blogger and a journalist, I think there are ways of blogging about dating and sex without either being too personal or too self-indulgent. If the point of revealing information is simply to help people, then I don’t think it’s annoying at all. And there’s a huge market out there for those types of things because that’s the same type of information you might find in any men’s or women’s magazines. What’s really annoying is blogging with no journalistic credibility whatsoever in whatever field you choose to blog about. Then it just feels like random ramblings that did nothing to make the world a better place.

  135. There wouldn’t be bloggers about dating if there weren’t readers of blogs about dating. It’s like reading your big sister’s diary……it’s fun

  136. Monica says:

    I agree with most of your points. I personally don’t blog or wouldn’t want to blog about my personal life because well, it’s personal to me. Saying that, dating is a topic that attracts a lot of readers. Each to their own!
    P.s. Congrats on getting on Freshly Pressed!

    Monica
    http://www.spicediary.com

  137. mischz says:

    You just cheered me up. Keep writing the way you do.

  138. Linz says:

    I love this line in a comment above: “Isn’t all blogging a bit self-indulgent? ”

    And it is, a bit. No matter what I’m writing, I always feel a bit of doubt about whether or not it’s “blog-worthy”. This sometimes leads me to post nothing at all for periods of time, or to post meaningless little tidbits that have nothing to do with anything.

    I don’t like to read people airing their dirty laundry on their blogs. Relationship troubles should stay at home and out of the blogosphere (and off of Facebook, for that matter). But occasionally I can find a reason to post about a date. Especially if it’s funny.

    Let’s face it, being single these days, out in the dating world, trying to find someone who you enjoy spending time with, etc etc… it can be pretty entertaining. Especially if someone who wants to meet you decides that instead of asking you out, they will stalk you to a Petsmart dog adoption day that you’re volunteering at, then get upset when you don’t have enough time to talk to them (because you’re busy finding dogs good homes!), and decides to loudly admire the balls on the dwarf gerbils. Not that that’s ever happened to me. Ahem.

  139. How do people have that much time and why do they think people care about their love lives? Its not like they found “the one” and are happy yet? Keep that journey personal! 🙂

  140. saltcitygirl says:

    Hi Josh, Your post is certainly intriguing. Congrats on the Freshly Pressed!

    On my own blog, I’ve found myself walking into blogging about my love life a bit more than I ever intended to since I started out thinking I would blog about food. However I’ve never thought of my dating experiences as speaking on behalf of my gender. I see my blog as a collection of my musings on life including the places I go, the people I meet and the passions I enjoy. Every so often these musings come together in a post about dating.

    When I do blog about dating, I try to keep the other person’s feelings and perspective in mind. And yeah, I’ve gotten into to trouble with what I’ve blogged. However I stand behind my blog and what I write because it’s there for me and my readers to learn from and enjoy. Blogging is self-indulgent, but isn’t that part of the fun?

  141. loveaddict says:

    I will gladly admit that blogging is somewhat self-absorbed. However – I will tell you that writing about relationships and love and dating is absolutely necessary. As an actual journalist (not just a blogger) who writes about her relationships for a pretty popular blog (I was freshly pressed, as well) -I have been on dates with guys who always give me the “Don’t put this on your blog” disclaimer. Is it my responsibility to listen to them? Or do I have the right to write? Don’t worry, I’ve wondered this and questioned it at times – but as far as I’m concerned, “My pen is the barrel of the gun, and you should remind me which side you belong on.”

    Great post – check out my blog, it’ll probably piss you off royally!

  142. Hey man! Congrats on your new(ish) blog! Loved the post! I hear you about that fear that people will find you boring (and what a great thrill the first time you get a comment on your blog that ISN’T from one of your friends, right?) I don’t know about you, but I told anyone who would listen about my first non-friend comment.

    Take care. – Garrett

  143. Brooke says:

    I couldn’t agree more!

  144. Nox Dineen says:

    It takes a really exceptional writer to pull off a dating blog. An exceptional writer with a supreme sense of humor and impressive willingness to be honest about themselves (and honest with themselves). The closest I can think of that I’ve ever run across was the woman who wrote missdoxie.com a couple years ago, and she really only included dates and her boyfriend as epic settings and character in hilarious stories of misadventure and dogs peeing in her house.

  145. Dating sucks!! and you know it. I like it when you become comfortable with the person. I did agree with several of your observations. I just started blogging about the pitfalls I had of dating and now marraige and other nonsense that I probably only care about. Check me out some time.
    http://NOTJUSTTHEMRS.wordpress.com

  146. So you were freshly pressed, nice! I’m intruiged that you’ve been doing this for less than 6months and you have more than 1000 hits already! Again, nice!

    On to your post, it is not unusual for people to feel the need to blog about dates, especially when these dates have gone poorly. From such posts you can almost palpate the disgust, resentment or sheer annoyance of the writer towards the date, and the date.

    I however think that those people, and whoever else decides they want to blog about their dates, should feel free to do it; it’s their blog anyways.

  147. kaythekid says:

    Clever article; a very enjoyable read.

    Thank you for not bombarding the internet with the details of your dating life (which I’m sure is quite healthy and does include the occasional page 3 model).

    Can you please start a night lecture class to get this point out to the masses?

  148. Christian Marks says:

    We assiduously avoid mentioning the subject of dating on the principle “write what you know”, yet, we’ve never been Freshly Pressed. It’s a disgrace! But there you are.

    Christian Marks
    Cornelius Fitzedward Pope II

  149. Maura says:

    Congrats on the homepage feature, must be very exciting!

    As one who blogs about dating, I of course felt defensive…until I realized, well of course you think it’s silly/lame/unnecessary. I’m guessing you also never watched that mildly popular show Sex and the City, which followed the lives of women, their dates, and the drama and comedy surrounding it all. My point is – you’re a dude. Perhaps not all that insightful, but I’m guessing 99% of my traffic comes from chicks. Makes sense.

    Not as eloquent as as Mitch Leuraner’s reply, which I thought was right on the money. But there ya go.

    I think the one part where you missed on nailing us dating bloggers is asking us what happens when the men/women we date FIND our blog? Because that’s what keeps me nail biting some days!

  150. dhila13 says:

    do agree with what you blog about… actually i also like to blog about my life, what happened on me yesterday. but yeah, it’s not about my love life of course. it’s different thing. it’s so personal thing. just me, that my ‘friend’, and God only know about this special thing. but i love to blog what im seeing, finding, touching, talking with others .. sometimes it also should be published you know.

    tx anyway. great posting.

    dhila13
    based on Jakarta, Indonesia

  151. Posky says:

    I try to include enough anonymity anytime I write about love to keep everyone safe and happy (but not too safe).

    I have to agree with how bizarrely self indulgent some of those blogs are. Especially when they aren’t always particularly well written. Nobody cares about how loudly someone chewed their food if the author can’t make it engaging or entertaining.

    That said, I’d rather read about how someone’s feeling and the wholeness of an experience than have them rip on their date for five paragraphs.

  152. TimaLove says:

    I have to admit, when I started my Blogspot I would discuss about my love life.. slowly I realized how boring it is. I was basically posting information only I care about. Now, I discuss general things involving: Life, love and a sense of humor. Just exploring each day, embracing it and enjoying every moment of it. (Great post, by the way!)

  153. lazydayzz says:

    Interesting post…agree with a lot of things.

  154. I write quite a bit about my ‘dating’ life…also about my sex life…mainly b/c i started my blog just to help get things out of my head & right now, in addition to my ex-husband drama that’s often there…or my kids….my dating/sex life is there quite a bit too.

    However, to your point of talking for my gender – I would *never* attempt to do such a thing….I only blog what’s in my head….and that surely has nothing to do w/anyone else….female or not =)

    …& I’m far from a page 3 model – so if you want to get that drink….

Trackbacks
Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] post-Germany sleep disorder. To while away time, I did bloghopping and now I’m reading this blog entry by Josh Landy, which talked about his blogging activities, constant fan questions on what will be his next topic, […]

  2. […] Dating – fine. Writing about it – not fine. […]

  3. […] “Dating-fine. Writing about it-not fine.” by Josh Landy […]

  4. […] Kristen in Uncategorized I know somebody who does exactly THIS… I found this on the front page of wordpress. Read the whole thing and cracked up. Why? […]

  5. […] Observe…. Dating – Fine… Writing About It – Not Fine […]

  6. […] with his blogpost on Dating Blogs and how they were self-indulgent (his post can be found here: DATING – FINE. WRITING ABOUT IT – NOT FINE. – by Josh Landy. It, and the rest of his blog, are well worth reading). It’s a post filled with some quite […]

  7. […] only sat to write the blog at 11.30pm last night because I’d been so aggravated by a post I’d written a day earlier – it […]

  8. […] In reference to: Dating – fine. Writing about it – not fine. […]

  9. […] I can’t deny that when I started blogging two months ago, I faced what all bloggers must face when starting out – a bit of embarrassment. ‘Why would anyone want to read my stuff?’ ‘Why would anyone care what I think?’ ‘Why, just why?’ were all firmly on my mind as I finally put a link to my first blog on my facebook pag … Read More […]

  10. […] yesterday I read a post about by a young man who is sick of “dating stories” blogs that tell details of dates that went wrong. Or at least wrong in the eye of the writer. He […]

  11. […] In reference to: Dating – fine. Writing about it – not fine. […]



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: