The Apprentice Week 11 – The Lord swears you’re no good

For a review of the Apprentice Final click HERE

A surprisingly prepared Jamie got the phone this week. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

Pre Task


Most weeks we see a candidate leaping down the stairs half dressed to answer the phone, but this week Jamie strolled along to listen to the recorded message having made himself a coffee. What the bloody hell was this? Did you set an alarm you cheeky bugger?

The obligatory getting up shot was this week reserved for Stuart. Stella asked him if he was decent. Too bloody quick Stella, we’d find out what a naughty not decent man the Baggs meister is later on.

The candidates knew it was going to be interview week so Stella told the cameras she’s never not got a job she’s had an interview for, which is all the more remarkable given she left school at the age of 5 and was brought up by wolves in the biggest zoo in Europe. Or something like that – I drifted off.

Jamie meanwhile had a little revelation and suggested there were going to be hard questions. Anyone would think he’d seen this show in the previous five years.

Joanna looked scared but was determined that that this was her chance to not just be ‘a cleaner from Leicester’ – oh no ladies and gentlemen pretty soon she would be THE cleaner from Leicester.

Lord Sugar wanted to make clear who was in charge. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

The Task

Sugar daddy had to stand on a flight of stairs above them so he didn’t feel too small whilst telling them about their upcoming interviews.

Sweetheart Sugar had recruited Claude (troubleshooter), Alan (laywer), Borden (Viglen CEO) and Margaret (former Apprentice guru) to grill the final five. No place for Martin Kemsley this year then – probably a bad example to have someone whose company went into administration last summer on a business show when you think about it.

The much loved Margaret was re-hired by Sugar. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

Things kicked off with Margaret. She failed to laugh when Jamie discussed having a third nipple with her, berated Chris about being ‘revered’ as an academic for doing well in his Year 6 SATS, told Jamie he blamed everybody else and told long lost friend Stuart she had a dog. Stuart promptly promised to play hide and seek with it all over the world whilst making billions for Sugar daddy without sleeping.

Whilst Baggs mesiter was dreaming of lost dogs, Joanna told Borden that Vigerleean (her take on Viglen) did something with ‘computers and shit’ and that Sugar has got bare other companies… sadly she didn’t know any of them as the country sat pressing their volume controls as Joanna said nothing for 10 seconds.


Angry Alan lived up to his name. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

Angry Alan (not the Lord) told Stella she was only good at making coffee but Stella refuted this saying she could aim higher and could do hot chocolate and everything if only she’d be given the chance to move onto pastures new

The rather sullen Claude told Stella that she was past it, told Joanna she needed to be more of a giver and told Baggs the brand that he wasn’t actually a brand and that he wasn’t even a fish. Bit of a dig about the Isle of Man I think, but I didn’t get it to be quite honest.

Corporate Stella had awoken Stuart asking if he was decent, but Alan revealed that the brand had once lied to the media telling them a rival was going under. The ageing 21 year old Baggs meister admitted we all make mistakes when we’re younger.

Burden didn't like the fibs from Baggs. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

The biggest slap on the bum was given to the Baggs brand by Borden. Turns out the brand told a bit of a lie about his company in the Isle of Man. Like most of the country, my love and devotion for the man immediately took a massive hit – nobody likes a liar Baggs – just look what happened to Lee in series 5 when he lied. Oh, wait, he got a job.


The Baggs meister is obviously too clever – he is so bloody good and perfect that he lied to get the sympathy vote from Sugar daddy and get the job! A sure fire plan!


The boardroom

Sugar daddy wanted some last minute pleading from the gang and started berating Chris for not completing a law degree (Constitutional Law is bloody dull to be fair) whilst Stella told Uncle Sugar she could take instruction – just after the producer gave her the go ahead to do so.

Joanna looked like she knew what was coming. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

Joanna, looking like she was about to be fatally injected, said she should have done more cleaning in Leicester whilst Jamie said he didn’t make excuses by blaming people. He did however blame his partner for any blame references he may have resorted to during the interview.


The Sugar daddy was not happy with young Stuart. Image courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

Lord Sugar then threw a spanner in the works by using a put down not even the most dreamy of script writers would have come up with, telling Baggs he was “full of shit.” What a way to go Baggsta – making a Lord swear for the first time since the bible. Good man.

A sobbing Joanna soon followed but was told to keep her head up high whilst Jamie was told he’d come to the end of the road with no instructions as to how high or otherwise to place his head.

Chris and Stella have made it through to the final. Two of the finest coffee makers in the land will battle it out for a £100k job on Sunday. Nice work if you can get it!

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7 Responses to “The Apprentice Week 11 – The Lord swears you’re no good”
  1. Tim says:

    Hi Josh. Stella’s cruise into the final and Stuart’s comeuppance were a bit telegraphed, I thought, but this was nonetheless the usual soundbite-laden fun that the interviews always are.

    My soundbite of the night award has to go to Margaret, with her dismissive put-down of Chris’s academic fixation:

    “I wouldn’t be surprised if he put his certificates in frames and his idea of a fun night is to sit and admire them.”

    We’ve missed you, Margaret!

  2. Tim says:

    Yeah, it was difficult to keep track – which, combined with my four-finger typing technique, meant it took me ages to get my notes and quotes together last night!

    From a technical standpoint, I understand why they have to do the fast edits, as they’re only lifting brief soundbites from the interviews in many cases, but it is confusing when they jump from one candidate to another. I guess a more traditional chronological or candidate-by-candidate rendering might lack pace – interviews are fundamentally pretty dull things.

    I think it also helped disguise the fact that last night was basically the Stuart Baggs Show, and we actually saw very little of Chris and only three or four brief snippets of Stella. I looked down at my notes as they started the boardroom and the lack of comments I had scribbled against those two immediately told me who the finalists were.

    Oh, and I couldn’t find the interview via the link …

  3. Rob says:

    While not a great fan of Stuart, Borden’s (no relation to Lizzy hopefully) questioning in relation to his obtaining a Communications Licence was in my view a little unfair. Undoubtedly Stuart gilded the lily on his CV, but the truth was he did obtain a licence from the Isle of Man Government to enable him to operate as an Internet Service Provider (ISP), ie sell internet, broadband and related communications services to customers. Also Borden’s credibility was undermined when he said that ISP stood for “Internet Service Protocol”.

    Sugar seemed to seize on Stuart’s “lying” as justification for his sacking, but to me it seemed to be solely to make up for the mistake he made in sacking Liz the week before.

  4. Thomas says:

    Whether you agreed that Stuart Baggs out to go through or be removed, his ousting was unfair.

    Having researched the matter thoroughly, he is a “fully licensed” telco, one of 6 ISP’s in the IOM, holds a telecommunications license in the UK and is regulated with OFCOM.

    To suggest that he was not known to the regulator was incorrect. The regulator lists him in their reports.

    The BBC had 1 year to check the facts and correct this, and had a duty of care to do so. It’s “sue bait” for them to have not done so.

  5. tek_internet says:

    Borden’s Internet Service Protocol(!?) What the hell is that? I’ve heard of Internet Service Provider (ISP). Borden then went on , with his bullshitting, “It’s a protocol that allows telecoms over bandwidths” LoL!!! What utter nonsense! He is just making this up, he’s bullshitting, exactly the sort of thing that he is suppose to out from the apprentice’s CVs he does himself, lies! First of all, there is no such thing as a Internet Service Protocol. He should have said Internet Service Provider (if he has any idea what that means). Even worse though…he goes on to ‘invent’ this protocol on national TV, he he! “It’s a protocol that allows telecoms over bandwidths” He talks about bandwidth like it is a physical thing. BW is like MPH, its a way of measuring something not something physical. Then ‘his’ protocol, (a protocol usually is a set of rules detemining behaviour between say communication devices), is somehow suppose to detect that a telecoms company is using it!! Say that the protocol is a set of rules for making a motorcar and what it should do and look like. Borden’s protocol goes one further, the car can detect who steps into the car! Borden is the head of IT. He should get with Stuart and together they could have their own comedy show: Borden blags Bags!

Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] good that Sugary should hire them both, but unfortunately nobody, not even the Baggs meister (since being ousted last week as being as reliable as an iPhone signal) can tell Sugar what to […]

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