Apprentice Week One: Sugar wants to see the fruits of your labour

Lord Sugar is back looking for a business partner

So, after just a few months away, Sugar daddy and his friends Nick and Karen were back to play with sixteen people that would stand out as self important even in a queue outside Boujis.

Gavin provided the first awkward moment of the series when he volunteered to be project manager with a similar amount of enthusiasm as my Great Uncle Leon did for the British Army, shortly before he boarded the first possible ship to South Africa in 1939.

Sugar wanted the teams to sell two fruit based products using the £250 he’d given them. The girls having elected Melody to get them in tune, soon went off to buy the ingredients for fruit salad and vegetable pasta.

Edna wanted to cause pain for the sake of it.

It didn’t take long for Edna to show her sadist side when she couldn’t deal with £8 being spent in front of her without a discussion on what coins to use. In the end the girls showed how out of touch they were by returning £80 to a man when he’d told them to spend £250. Ridiculous.

The boys meanwhile came a cropper in their bid to make orange juice when they failed to identify an orange. Edward then asked Jim what his lucky number was (1,400) and soon enough Edward had more orange about him than the cast of the ‘Only Way is Essex’.

Jim did well to negotiate his deal.

Jim paid the consequences for having such a high lucky number as it meant he had a sixpence to buy tomatoes, peppers and onion for their  other product, the ‘red liquid ’ soup.  With limited funds, David Dickinson would have been proud of his efforts.

Back on the girls team, Susan told the rest of the girls that by labelling a product as being appropriate for a meal such as breakfast, selling their produce would become easier than working out who’s the boss in the Cameron/Clegg arrangement. However the girls vegetable pasta or ‘uncooked rago’ turned out to be about as popular as Piers Morgan and the Liberal Democrats combined.

Susan quickly revealed herself as the girl who is not adverse to a bit of flirting as she told a shifty looking man at the market that she wanted his grapes. Later in Canary Wharf she tried to organise a fruit salad orgy by suggesting a group of men “all have one” whilst she fluttered her eyelids as they reached for their wallets.

Leon managed to break the juicers.

Edward was busy telling his team to ‘roll with the punches’ which basically translated as ‘deal with the orange fetish and squeeze.’ They all manned up after the almost silent Leon had broken the electric juicers. It all meant that  much later than planned they wandered off to sell the fruit (juice) of their labour for £2 a bottle.

Indeed, whilst the girls out with Melody sold well, Edna was so busy doing something to something or another for some undefined amount of time that she didn’t send them any lunch to sell. Maybe this was some of her business psychologist flair coming to the floor, although ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ seems to suit her angry personality.

Alex proved to be good at counting cups.

The boys ended up doing less business with their red liquid than a soup kitchen in Monaco but this was hardly surprising given Alex’s efforts in manning the van. Rather than sell soup he thought better to organise the plates, divide the cups into piles of 7, clean the floor, fill up with petrol and check out lastminute.com for a holiday he’ll need next week when he surely visits Lord Shugs.

When it came to counting the moolah, the girls won by about £100 leaving Edward holding on for dear life. Rather than bring back the work shy Alex, he chose Leon the juicer destroyer and Gavin the reluctant wannabe leader to join him back in the boardroom.

Sugar daddy was in no mood to hear poor excuses and even less in the mood to hear poor grammar. Unfortunately Edward the bare small man dun that innit.

Eddy, Steady… Go.

Edward couldn't talk himself out of being fired in Week One

*All images courtesy of BBC iPlayer.

*If you haven’t yet seen the episode you can watch it here.

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